Holding Joy and Longing: A Photographer’s journey trying to conceive and her Heart Behind the Camera

Savannah Ellis
37 minutes ago
3 min read

Some days, the camera feels heavier than usual. As a newborn and family photographer in Georgia, my work is filled with miracles: tiny fingers curling around tiny toes, sleepy snuggles in the soft morning light, parents overwhelmed with love for the life they’ve created. And yet… I sit behind the camera, smiling, guiding, and celebrating while quietly holding a longing in my own heart.

My own 3 year journey trying to convice hasn’t been easy. Every baby I photograph reminds me of the one I’m still waiting for. Every maternity session, every newborn snuggle, every family laughing together—these moments are beautiful, breathtaking… and sometimes bittersweet.

I won’t lie. There are days when it’s hard to put on a brave face. There are days when my heart physically hurts with thoughts of “why not me?”, "I'm not a mother, how can I truly capture what motherhood looks like if i've never experienced it. But, my longing doesn’t make me any less capable of capturing joy. I actually think it makes me more present, more empathetic, and more deeply aware of how fleeting and sacred these moments truly are.

I find peace in His word. Psalm 37:4 reminds me, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11 gives me hope, “For I know the plans I have for you… plans to give you a future and a hope.” And Romans 12:12 encourages me daily: “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

These verses help me as I step into sessions with families, even when my own arms feel empty. I pray over each newborn I photograph, grateful for the tiny lives God has entrusted to me. Each smile, yawn, and curl of a finger is a reminder that joy exists even in seasons of waiting.

Being behind the camera has taught me resilience, hope, and the quiet strength of love. I hold my clients’ joy with reverence because I know how fleeting, miraculous, and sacred it truly is. While I wait for my own tiny blessing, I am deeply thankful for every baby I get to meet, every family I get to witness, and every mother I get to celebrate in this season of life.

To photographer that also in her season of waiting: it’s okay to feel longing alongside gratitude. It’s okay to hold both sorrow and joy at the same time. And it’s okay to show up for others, even when your own heart aches. Because sometimes, serving and celebrating life is exactly what helps us hold onto our own dreams.

Colossians 3:23-24: "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ".

I will always be a photographer, it's who I am, because it expands my capacity for love. Each session is a reminder of God’s faithfulness, of the beauty in waiting, and of the sacredness of every little life entrusted to me. One day, I believe, my own arms will hold the miracle I’ve been praying for. Until then, I will continue to show up, pour my whole heart into every session, and honor the gift of motherhood in all its beauty—even while I wait.

Lamentations 3:22-23: "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."

Love, Savannah

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